Two Sides to the Coin

There are many postings out there from individuals who feel they have been wronged or mistreated by a Children's Aid Society. I am sure they have their reasons for feeling this way, but I wonder if they stop for a moment to think of the go-between, also known as foster parents. Foster parents are the link in between the Children's Aid and the parent who has had their child apprehended. Not all children are apprehended against the parent's will, but most are. Other reasons could be the parent reaching out for and getting help, it could be temporary until the parent is back on their feet. It could be as a result of the death of parents. However, the majority of children in care are in care against the parent's wishes.
The foster parent is right in the middle, and plays a vital role in the conflict; they are caring for the child in question.
There are many rewards that come with being a foster parent, and there are many challenges.
Children often come into care with minimal clothing. they are often underfed, or have been fed a very unhealthy diet. They have not experienced routine, structure and consistency. They often lack social skills and manners. They are usually angry with CAS, their parents, their teachers, the world, and you. They may be separated from their siblings. They are feeling loss, and will grieve, much as one would with the death of a loved one. As a foster parent, you may not know if/when this child has ever been to the dentist or doctor. It is your job to get that in order right away. You do not know their developmental history, or their prenatal history. There are often problems at school, and usually they are behind academically.They often want nothing to do with you, and will fight attachment tooth and nail. Who can blame them? Who wants to attach to people that they will be leaving soon? They go to visits with their parents, and instantly regress back into the behaviours you have worked so hard to overcome. The parents enjoy a sugary filled visit that is full of fun, then they come home to you more angry and missing their parents. No matter how much progress a foster parent makes, how much love, the pull toward the biological family is usually stronger, even if the child was neglected or abused. You have to become the bad guy again as you start all over with the routines and rules.
The rewards, however, are there. As with most things, the dramatic, negative side of things is the side that gets the most attention. Whoever hears of easy births? It is the long, drawn out tortuous birthing sessions that garner attention. The rewards are very subtle, often abstract, and one must watch carefully. Lying in bed at night, knowing there is a safe, clean, well fed child sleeping nearby, and they are all of those things because of you. That is a reward. A child saying: 'But if you work late tonight, who will read with me?"..Reward..A child openly and with gusto enjoying your food. Reward. A child donning a soccer uniform for the first time ever, and the pride in their eyes as they run their hands along the silky fabric. Combing freshly shampooed hair. Being the one to be able to demonstrate that home means warmth and safety, not fear and conflict. You get the glory job of being a warm and heated blanket to a child who is cold and shivering on the inside. Knowing that many of these things are first time experiences for these children. The rewards are there, but they are not often measured in an empirical way, the way we can measure and list the challenges.