Seeing Patterns

Jack Tobin's situation is a tragedy. His best friend Alex Zolpis is gone forever and in the world’s eyes, he is to blame. We all know it could happen to any family at any time. Jack Tobin's troubles clearly began days after first receiving his learner's driver's permit, around the age of sixteen. It is at that stage during adolescence that behaviours must be analyzed. If an adolescent has displayed a large number of repeat infractions, one can assume that there were other worrisome behaviours surfacing as well. It is so much easier to chalk up teen (mis)behaviours to 'boys being boys' or 'teens being teens'. Clearly with this many infractions of the same nature peppered throughout one’s life, mistakes were not being learned from. It is up to the adult involved to look hard at this pattern and make the decision to intervene. Is there an underlying mental health issue? Severe ADHD? Impulsivity? Mood Disorder? Should a third party be called in? Does this teen require constant supervision, if only to save them from themselves? Does the parent need to take time off from work to get to the bottom of things, even if it causes professional and financial hardship? Is the school atmosphere contributing to the behaviour? The friends? The adults involved must ask themselves “Why is he/she repeating the pattern over and over again? Why is this child not connecting the dots and learning from the past? What can I do to intervene and remove my child from the current environment that may be contributing to the behaviours? Do I need to remove them from school, keep them home and show them how serious things are?” Sadly, as parents, we are so busy trying to get by, and often feel that once our child is into adolescence, they are on their way to adulthood and we can back off and relax a bit. I would argue that the opposite is true, and if a teen is showing any signs of troubling behaviour, that is an indicator for the family to stop dead in its tracks, evaluate all circumstances and take whatever measures necessary to get that teen back on track. We only have one chance to get them through these tumultuous years, and in order to keep them and others around them safe, it is up to us to step in early on, and take drastic measures if needed. There are many lessons to be learned from this situation, and one lesson should be for all adults to aggressively insert themselves into a teen’s life and halt troubling behaviour before it becomes a pattern. Patterns are very hard to break once established, and once that teenager is out on their own, all bets are off.