Child File / Recipe File

We have all received that phone call whereby a child has been described to us over the phone. We know that the person on the other end has likely never met the child, and that they are reading from a file. Imagine if you are holding that file, having never met the child and trying to imagine who he/she truly is. Imagine you are holding a recipe file for a loaf of bread, having never seen a loaf of bread before, and trying to imagine what a loaf of bread truly is. We know a loaf of bread is the sum of flour, yeast, eggs, sugar. The order of mixing the ingredients and the quality of the ingredients used (nature) are important. The utensils used, what type of oven it is cooked in and the very person mixing the dough (nurture) also have a great impact on the final result. If we have never laid eyes on a loaf of bread before, or felt it, smelled it, tasted it, we will still have no idea what bread will be from reading the recipe. We know a child is the sum of personality, strengths, weaknesses (nature). The environment, past experiences and an uncertain future are all mixed in as well (nurture). If we have never laid eyes on this child, met their eyes, taken in their ‘self”, experienced their strengths and weaknesses, felt their pain, their sadness, their anger, we will have no idea who this child is from reading the file. When we have made the decision to head to the kitchen to bake a loaf of bread (no bread machine here!) we find the one-dimensional recipe and jump in. We know making bread can be a multi-step; complicated undertaking that may or may not work out. Yet we’ve decided to give it a go and try our best. We are not afraid of that ingredient we have never seen before. If it works out, that is great, we’ve learned something about ourselves, and if things do not work out, we might go back and re-think a step or change our method. The same can be said for fostering. We’ve made the decision to do it, and when we are given the one-dimensional file, we jump in. There are no guarantees with anything, and that one-dimensional file does not give us the true essence of who will arrive in front of us. I think if I was given myself a file about me, I might not want to take myself on. Who in their right mind would voluntarily take on a person like me who has been known to be sad sometimes (depressed?), and angry (hostile?) at other times? I am someone who will admit to hoarding chocolate and Oreo cookies from others and privately indulging. I am a person who can be lazy at times, (lethargic?) and crazy-busy (hyperactive?) at other times. I have been known to avoid all exterior interactions when engrossed in a good book (anti-social?) These are labels that could be recorded in my file. However, I am told that I can also be fiercely loyal, loving, generous and kind. I like to think of myself as a generally good person. These last attributes would only become known once you get to know me and once I am in your life. You’ve made the decision to try to bake bread, so get in the kitchen and give it your best effort. Try not to be intimidated by the bread recipe file or the CAS child file. Try not to imagine the finished product until it is in front of you. Look past the ingredients and look at the potential before dismissing the file as too challenging or too intimidating. You really will not know until you’ve looked past the file to the child in front of you.